October Weigh In

September Weight: 259 lbs
October Weight: 256 lbs
Monthly Loss: -3 lbs
Monthly Inches: 4 
Total Weight Lost: -39 lbs
Total Inches Lost: 24.5

When I started this journey I knew there would be ups and downs. I knew there would be hard things. I wanted to embrace these things and find ways to overcome them! I am honestly grateful for this month and its difficulty, because I didn't give up. Not even once did the thought of giving up enter my mind! That right there is a victory in and of itself! I have looked at each day, each week, and each pound as a stepping stone in my journey. I want to get through this rough patch of a plateau very, very badly, but I am not in a race and things are very trial and error for me right now.

The best parts of September were the things that happened off the scale. I have found an incredible group of people on Instagram and Facebook that are so motivational. I am filling my life full of positive humans that are working toward similar goals as I am, and we are there to encourage and uplift one another. The support I've found has changed my attitude and feelings toward my health in such a positive way! I just feel like surrounding myself with these positive people is such an important part of my journey.

My new toy came in the mail this month and it has been motivating my workouts so much in the past 2 weeks! I got the Polar FT4 Heart Monitor and it is AMAZING!!!  Here she is! She makes me challenge myself during my workouts every day!

My Polar FT4

Another awesome thing that happened was Eli came with me to the gym, and he got a membership himself! We have made a schedule, and plan on going 4 times a week! I feel like my greatest support is here in my home. We are both going to be working toward a healthier lifestyle and it is going to be AMAZING!

This is us heading to the gym for the first time last week. 

I've saved the best for last! I was chosen by the most motivational person I have met (as far as fitness is concerned) to be one of her 5 Transformation Tuesday's! ( Click on the link to see!) She posted my most recent progress photo on her feed and shared my story with her many, many followers! I was able to gain more followers as a result, but it wasn't about that for me. I was just so proud of myself in that moment...to see her recognize me as someone she thought of as inspirational was such a high! I actually called my mom and cried. It was a very real moment for me to see how far I've come, and to watch others recognize that. It was like a gift to me. Here is a photo I snapped of the post she made.

She is AMAZING!

So all in all, it has been an extremely positive month! I am working toward new gym goals, as well as others. I feel like I need to just savor all of this journey and learn as much as I can about myself in the process. My plan is to start weighing in weekly on Instagram, so that I can become more accountable, as well as work out more and more. The holidays are coming and I want to be in a place where I can really practice some self control!

I hope I can still continue to motivate you all through this blog and my other forms of social media! More posts are on their way. Thank you all for your love and support!

Always remember, we can do hard things!

If I Could Go Back...

If I could go back I would tell this girl that she is worth it. That she isn't fat or ugly or awkward. I would tell her that she has a beautiful heart that most people don't understand. But one day, when she is a little older, she will find people who see the beauty of her heart, and they will love her all the better for it. I would tell her that every inch of her body was created for a means to live a beautiful, healthy life. I would stroke her hair as she cried, explaining that one day she would have answers to all her heartache, and wouldn't have to walk this earth alone. I would reassure her of her strength and her divine purpose.

I would tell her so many positive, encouraging, uplifting things. I would listen to her patiently so she didn't feel left out or unimportant. I would try to teach her to have better self-love and confidence.

Me @ Girls Camp 2001

Me & my friend Amanda

I remember this day well. I remember putting on that shirt and feeling so fat and ugly. I remember staring in the mirror, worried about that virtually non-existent muffin top. I remember worrying that I was going to get made fun of or talked about (even though my friends weren't like that!) I also remember the day I got these photos back from the printer. I could barely stomach them, picking myself apart at every angle.

I look back at them now and want to reach through time and give my 15 year old self a hug! I was worth so much more than I ever thought. I wish I knew what I know now.

I know we can't change the past, and we can't dwell on it either. 
I DO know that we deserve  love. From others, but most importantly, we deserve it from ourselves!
This life is far too short and too complicated not to love, forgive, and be good to yourself each and every day.

I'm so glad that I found my inner-beauty and my drive to become the best version of myself.

I am glad I have decided to love myself through it all, and remind myself that I can do hard things.