October Weigh In

September Weight: 259 lbs
October Weight: 256 lbs
Monthly Loss: -3 lbs
Monthly Inches: 4 
Total Weight Lost: -39 lbs
Total Inches Lost: 24.5

When I started this journey I knew there would be ups and downs. I knew there would be hard things. I wanted to embrace these things and find ways to overcome them! I am honestly grateful for this month and its difficulty, because I didn't give up. Not even once did the thought of giving up enter my mind! That right there is a victory in and of itself! I have looked at each day, each week, and each pound as a stepping stone in my journey. I want to get through this rough patch of a plateau very, very badly, but I am not in a race and things are very trial and error for me right now.

The best parts of September were the things that happened off the scale. I have found an incredible group of people on Instagram and Facebook that are so motivational. I am filling my life full of positive humans that are working toward similar goals as I am, and we are there to encourage and uplift one another. The support I've found has changed my attitude and feelings toward my health in such a positive way! I just feel like surrounding myself with these positive people is such an important part of my journey.

My new toy came in the mail this month and it has been motivating my workouts so much in the past 2 weeks! I got the Polar FT4 Heart Monitor and it is AMAZING!!!  Here she is! She makes me challenge myself during my workouts every day!

My Polar FT4

Another awesome thing that happened was Eli came with me to the gym, and he got a membership himself! We have made a schedule, and plan on going 4 times a week! I feel like my greatest support is here in my home. We are both going to be working toward a healthier lifestyle and it is going to be AMAZING!

This is us heading to the gym for the first time last week. 

I've saved the best for last! I was chosen by the most motivational person I have met (as far as fitness is concerned) to be one of her 5 Transformation Tuesday's! ( Click on the link to see!) She posted my most recent progress photo on her feed and shared my story with her many, many followers! I was able to gain more followers as a result, but it wasn't about that for me. I was just so proud of myself in that moment...to see her recognize me as someone she thought of as inspirational was such a high! I actually called my mom and cried. It was a very real moment for me to see how far I've come, and to watch others recognize that. It was like a gift to me. Here is a photo I snapped of the post she made.

She is AMAZING!

So all in all, it has been an extremely positive month! I am working toward new gym goals, as well as others. I feel like I need to just savor all of this journey and learn as much as I can about myself in the process. My plan is to start weighing in weekly on Instagram, so that I can become more accountable, as well as work out more and more. The holidays are coming and I want to be in a place where I can really practice some self control!

I hope I can still continue to motivate you all through this blog and my other forms of social media! More posts are on their way. Thank you all for your love and support!

Always remember, we can do hard things!

September Weigh-in

August Weight: 264 lbs
September Weight: 259 lbs
Monthly Loss: -5 lbs
Total Weight Lost: -36 lbs
Monthly Inches Lost: 7
Total Inches Lost: 20.5

August was different for me. I don't feel like there was much of a victory on the scale, but I have focused on quite a few non-scale victories this month. First off, I was able to wear my FAVORITE pants that I haven't fit into for quite some time! I bought them right after I got married (2011) and I remember Eli telling me how much he loved them on me. This was a huge victory!

Favorite pants!

 I also have been able to see quite a difference in the way my clothes fit. I can definitely see progress, and it keeps me so motivated to take progress photos. I am sure many of you have see these photos if you follow me on Facebook and Instagram but for those of you who don't, here are my favorites so far.

First photo was 6/10/14 and second was 8/21/14.

In the first photo I was around 180 lbs, so I actually gained 15 lbs and then lost the 36 lbs in between these two photos.

I was washing my hands and looked up and saw myself, and I was just PROUD!

This is a good representation of the inches I've lost.

 So like I said, it wasn't as successful as I wanted it to be in terms of numbers, but the NSV's were awesome! Eli and I have really stepped up the exercise in the past couple of weeks, so I am excited to see what this month brings. I have joined a few Facebook challenges to keep me on my toes with my eating and fitness. I think that sometimes you have to reach outside the box as far as support goes. There are so many resources out there for people who want to better themselves and become healthy! I have realized that I am letting a few bad habits sneak back in, so I am doing my best to put the kibosh on that and get back into my groove.

I saw this quote on a fellow weight-loss blogger's page and I had to share.

See on www.livylove.com

There are so MANY "would have, should have, could have" moments out there! But let's not focus on those. I know this month I have had more of these moments than I would like to count, but my health and wellness are not a race to a finish line. I felt defeated all month watching the scale stick in the same spot, until I got out my camera and looked at my progress in the mirror. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, so do just that. Be happy AND healthy, and just do your best. If you slip up, don't regret. Find the lesson in that moment and move forward. Do HARD THINGS!

This week I will be posting another recipe, so stay tuned.

If I Could Go Back...

If I could go back I would tell this girl that she is worth it. That she isn't fat or ugly or awkward. I would tell her that she has a beautiful heart that most people don't understand. But one day, when she is a little older, she will find people who see the beauty of her heart, and they will love her all the better for it. I would tell her that every inch of her body was created for a means to live a beautiful, healthy life. I would stroke her hair as she cried, explaining that one day she would have answers to all her heartache, and wouldn't have to walk this earth alone. I would reassure her of her strength and her divine purpose.

I would tell her so many positive, encouraging, uplifting things. I would listen to her patiently so she didn't feel left out or unimportant. I would try to teach her to have better self-love and confidence.

Me @ Girls Camp 2001

Me & my friend Amanda

I remember this day well. I remember putting on that shirt and feeling so fat and ugly. I remember staring in the mirror, worried about that virtually non-existent muffin top. I remember worrying that I was going to get made fun of or talked about (even though my friends weren't like that!) I also remember the day I got these photos back from the printer. I could barely stomach them, picking myself apart at every angle.

I look back at them now and want to reach through time and give my 15 year old self a hug! I was worth so much more than I ever thought. I wish I knew what I know now.

I know we can't change the past, and we can't dwell on it either. 
I DO know that we deserve  love. From others, but most importantly, we deserve it from ourselves!
This life is far too short and too complicated not to love, forgive, and be good to yourself each and every day.

I'm so glad that I found my inner-beauty and my drive to become the best version of myself.

I am glad I have decided to love myself through it all, and remind myself that I can do hard things.
 

I Never Thought I Would Say This...

...but I CRAVE exercise.

What the WHAT?!

I know this was on my list of accomplishments last week, but I feel it deserves more than just a bullet point.

Let me tell you something. I have recently become involved in various social media platforms where many people have lost 100+ pounds, and I have found so much inspiration in their stories. I hope that one day I can be as motivating as them! But there is one thing that they all have in common. At some point in their journey they have this "AHA!" moment where they burst into song about how they used to hate exercise, and now all of a sudden they want to run up every mountain in sight! And I sit over here on my couch and laugh at them thinking, "Yeah right, that is NEVER going to happen to THIS girl!"

Well let me tell you that in a small way it totally has happened to me. I must eat my words now. 

Lately I am finding myself craving a walk in the evenings, or thinking about waking up before Eli on our day off together and heading to the gym for a bit. I don't know exactly what made it click for me. There was no angel singing, or light bulb appearing over my head. I guess I just decided in my heart that exercise, endorphins, sweat and CUTE workout clothes are a necessity in this new lifestyle of mine. And I'm more than ok with that!

Something happened on a walk recently, and I think it had something to do with my epiphany. Eli and I went on a walk on our new favorite trail last week and I decided to push myself.  Like, really hard. I was sweating profusely and breathing so hard that I sounded like some sort of dying animal. I say this funnily, but honestly I was a hot mess. Do you know what happened when I passed other people? Nothing. No one stared or gawked or whispered. I just kept going on my journey and they continued theirs, and no one even acted like they were paying attention to me. I'm sure they were so involved in their own exercise that they didn't even notice my heaving or sweaty hair.

And it felt so DARN good not to care!I was getting the most out of my workout. My workout for me, not for them. Something I was doing to help ME feel better and become a better, fitter human being.

I realized something in that moment. All of my life I have been hiding. Wasting my life in the shadows, looking at other people and longing to be more like them. I have always been social and had friends and been happy, but there has been this part of me holding myself back in fear. Fear for what other people will think of me, or say behind my back, etc. I have been consumed by the fear of rejection and humiliation.

I am done with that fear. I am jumping off that cycle of self-destruction, and heading to a place of peace and faith. Faith in myself to accomplish my goals, and inner peace in my mind allowing myself to just BE in EVERY moment. Be happy. Be sweaty. Be loved. Be fit. Be strong. Be faithful. Be fearless!

We are all worth it. We can all overcome the hard things, and do them with passion!

Left: June,  Right: August. Same shirt. 

Me on 8/22/14.