February Weigh In & Goals

January Weight: 263 lbs

February Weight: 260 lbs

Monthly Loss: -3 lbs

Total Weight Lost: 35 lbs

Total Inches Lost: 24.5

January started out pretty well! I got down to 257 lbs and was posting my weekly weight on my Instagram account. Then for some strange reason, I just stopped. Like I told you all before, I suffer from seasonal depression and sometimes I just mentally shut down. It's like this alter-ego comes in and takes over my brain and I just don't care. About anything.

I had Friday off this week, and I was down. Depressed. Sad for no reason. I had some things to do in the morning, but after that I basically turned into a zombie. I drove around town and stopped at a few stores, feeling like I was completely alone in the world (even though I took Eli to lunch, and we had a great time.) I finally stopped at Macey's and bought a giant bag of chocolate covered cinnamon bears, then stopped at KFC and got a large popcorn chicken (even though I had eaten a chicken sandwich like 1.5 hours prior to that.) I took them home and ate the chicken while watching Grey's Anatomy, and also managed to throw half the cinnamon bears down. I felt even more disgusting afterward, but I just didn't care. 

I am not telling you these things for you to feel sorry for me, or think I am a slob, or judge me. I am telling you because, more than likely, some of you suffer from this same disease. Some of you can probably relate to this exact scenario. Depression is real, and hard!

So where do we go from here? The answer is so different for every single person that suffers from it, and I wish that my plan worked for everyone. 

Luckily that night I came home, looked on Facebook and saw and ad for Weight Watchers. I was a very happy member of WW last year, and actually lost the majority of my weight so far while on the plan. I don't know why I decided to ruin a good thing because from the moment I cancelled my membership, losing became almost impossible. My Fitness Pal is an amazing free app, but it just doesn't cut it for me, There is something that happens in my brain when using the Points Plus program; it yields such greater results for me. They have a wonderful support group and hundreds of challenges to compete in, which help me stay motivated and focused! 

I joined Friday night again, and haven't looked back! I am excited about eating healthy; I have also made some new weight loss goals for the next 6 months! Everything just fits right now.

I struggled with my phone goals for January. I didn't engage as much as I wanted to, and I looked at my phone too much. For February and March I am going to do something a little different. 

 I want to become a morning person. My morning usually consists of me taking Eli to work, coming home and getting back into bed, and sleeping again until about 30 minutes before work. I then  jump in the shower and get ready so fast that I don't even get breakfast in. I want this to change! I want to wake up and get a workout in. Exercise in the morning gives me so much energy. I also want to make a healthy breakfast to sustain me through the morning. I feel that if I can get into this routine, things will change for the better in my life! 

I am choosing to take this goal seriously, so that is why it is a 2 month goal for me. I really want to make this into a habit that will eventually turn into second nature for me.

I know I have made many empty promises these last few months, but I am so grateful for all of your support through my journey. Thanks for not giving up on me! 

We can do hard things!  

The Hard Things, and A New Approach.

Hello, stranger! I have been out of commission, and I have not been updating.  The one regret I have over these past couple of months is that I didn't post during the hard times. I let the struggle and expectation of it all get the best of me, and I hid away. One of the many things I learned in the past 3 months is that this journey is so REAL.The successes are real. The tears are real. The struggle is real.

The past six months have been quite a roller coaster ride for me, and I must say I haven't handled it the best that I could. I began to really struggle at work, and genuinely hated going in every day. My work ethic diminished, and I felt defeated constantly. I work in a customer service area, and the daily negativity was bringing me down to an all-time low. Add being sick the majority of the time, and you have an unhappy panda.

Fast forward to a month or so ago. I have been truly blessed, and have been given the opportunity to shine in a different area at work. My hours, pay, and general surroundings are so much better now, and I can finally find my way back to the happy girl I used to be. I will be able to have normal weekends with my husband for the most part, and I will be home at a decent hour now. My emotional and physical plateau have finally come to a halt, and I am finding meaning in all of the little and big things again. I am truly excited to detox and get rid of the negativity in my mind and body. Sometimes the Lord has a truly great plan for you. I am so grateful to Him for giving me this opportunity to reclaim my happiness and light.

All of these things being said, I have decided to do a few things differently. As this new year is bringing about so many new changes for me, I feel that I need to make this journey about so much more than just weight loss. I am going to give myself a goal each month to work on that has nothing to do with fitness. Some will help me mentally, some emotionally, some professionally, etc. I will announce each month's goal on the first Friday as a part of my monthly "weigh in." I will also post about the previous month, and what the outcome was.I will continue to work on my weight loss journey, and make my usual posts, of course. I just feel that all of these changes need to be embraced and given the attention that they deserve.

As far as weight loss goes, I am going to begin weighing in weekly on Instagram. I feel like the public accountability will give me so much more motivation. I have slacked off a little and put on a few pounds, but the important part for me is that I am getting everything back in check and pushing through.

Life is truly beautiful...even with all the hard things.

Come back tomorrow for my January weigh in!

Anniversary Weekend: Good Time, Bad Choices.

These past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of crazy, especially with our 3 year anniversary last Tuesday. We took 5 days off and just enjoyed ourselves!

Us over the years.

We were able to go on a Haunted Ghost Tour in our little town, go to a Pumpkin Patch followed by shopping and dinner out with my sister, and a bunch of other fun things! It was such a nice feeling to just be together without an agenda.

We got to pick them off of the vine!

Carving our spoils!

We also spent some time in the mountains at our favorite spot on our actual anniversary, which was so therapeutic to our souls! We both find so much solace in nature, it energizes us and helps us to unwind and remember what the true meaning of this crazy life is.

Like I said, the weekend was amazing. I, however, didn't stick to my plan very well. Life is all about trial and error, and this weekend was an error in the wellness aspect of things. We ate out at least once a day, and I just didn't make good choices. I also didn't exercise. You may think I have no willpower, but that simply isn't true. I made a choice to disregard my plan, and in retrospect I am glad I did for one reason. I never will do it again. I felt like literal garbage. I was sluggish and moody, and my mind was so fuzzy! I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere...I just wanted to be a vegetable. This right here is proof that what you put into your mouth has a major effect on your body AND mind.

I remember reading a post on one of my favorite fellow weight loss blogs about how a little way into her journey they went to Disneyland as a family. She let herself eat whatever she wanted, but then when she returned home she realized that she missed eating healthy and exercising. It was something that had become a part of who she was and is today. I feel that this happened to me as well. I couldn't wait to get back on track when we had to come back to reality, and although it has been hard, I'm grateful that I have been unwilling to give up. I know by next week life will be back to normal, and my cravings will have subsided.

Here are a few of my recent Instagram posts. I may have had a rough week, but I am still making progress. The first one is two photos that have been layered together so that you can see my literal progress. It's a little tough to see, but you get the idea. The dark area inside is what I look like now in this shirt.

Up next is a comparison. I am just happy to see that although I weigh the exact same in these two photos, as I am losing weight I am tightening and toning up. Even the same clothes fit very differently because we have been lifting heavy weights and really building muscle when we work out. The left one was taken on our honeymoon, and the right one was taken on our anniversary this week.

This next one is just a comparison from last years family photo to this year. I can see quite a difference.

The final one is what I am most proud of! Although I don't have a photo of me last year wearing this coat, anyone who knows me can confirm that I could barely even zip it up! It was so tight that you could see my stomach and sides bulging out. I decided to put it on just to see how it fit last Friday, and lo and behold:

It's huge on me! I can actually see all the way through it down to the ground when I look inside. I was completely in awe! It's almost too big to wear and feel comfortable in at this point..I don't want to look frumpy!

Finding the sparkle in life and the silver lining through difficult times is the only way for me to press forward! This journey is real and it will lead me to a healthy, happy place if I can just trust the process. As my dad has always said, "slow is your friend!" I never thought that a silly phrase in reference to driving through Sardine Canyon during snow storms would mean so much to me now. It has honestly become a mantra to me during this lifestyle change. My point being, find what works for you. Find your own words of wisdom and repeat them often!

We can definitely do hard things!

October Weigh In

September Weight: 259 lbs
October Weight: 256 lbs
Monthly Loss: -3 lbs
Monthly Inches: 4 
Total Weight Lost: -39 lbs
Total Inches Lost: 24.5

When I started this journey I knew there would be ups and downs. I knew there would be hard things. I wanted to embrace these things and find ways to overcome them! I am honestly grateful for this month and its difficulty, because I didn't give up. Not even once did the thought of giving up enter my mind! That right there is a victory in and of itself! I have looked at each day, each week, and each pound as a stepping stone in my journey. I want to get through this rough patch of a plateau very, very badly, but I am not in a race and things are very trial and error for me right now.

The best parts of September were the things that happened off the scale. I have found an incredible group of people on Instagram and Facebook that are so motivational. I am filling my life full of positive humans that are working toward similar goals as I am, and we are there to encourage and uplift one another. The support I've found has changed my attitude and feelings toward my health in such a positive way! I just feel like surrounding myself with these positive people is such an important part of my journey.

My new toy came in the mail this month and it has been motivating my workouts so much in the past 2 weeks! I got the Polar FT4 Heart Monitor and it is AMAZING!!!  Here she is! She makes me challenge myself during my workouts every day!

My Polar FT4

Another awesome thing that happened was Eli came with me to the gym, and he got a membership himself! We have made a schedule, and plan on going 4 times a week! I feel like my greatest support is here in my home. We are both going to be working toward a healthier lifestyle and it is going to be AMAZING!

This is us heading to the gym for the first time last week. 

I've saved the best for last! I was chosen by the most motivational person I have met (as far as fitness is concerned) to be one of her 5 Transformation Tuesday's! ( Click on the link to see!) She posted my most recent progress photo on her feed and shared my story with her many, many followers! I was able to gain more followers as a result, but it wasn't about that for me. I was just so proud of myself in that moment...to see her recognize me as someone she thought of as inspirational was such a high! I actually called my mom and cried. It was a very real moment for me to see how far I've come, and to watch others recognize that. It was like a gift to me. Here is a photo I snapped of the post she made.

She is AMAZING!

So all in all, it has been an extremely positive month! I am working toward new gym goals, as well as others. I feel like I need to just savor all of this journey and learn as much as I can about myself in the process. My plan is to start weighing in weekly on Instagram, so that I can become more accountable, as well as work out more and more. The holidays are coming and I want to be in a place where I can really practice some self control!

I hope I can still continue to motivate you all through this blog and my other forms of social media! More posts are on their way. Thank you all for your love and support!

Always remember, we can do hard things!

Some Recipes and Snacks to Keep Me Going...

I have found and experimented with SO many foods in the past month to help me break this retched plateau I am having! I have found some real keepers, and thought you might be interested in them. They are all relatively simple, and they are slowly becoming staples in my routine. I will say that my plateau is FINALLY broken and I am back on my way to a smaller me! I will do a weigh in this Friday with some tips on how I broke my plateau both mentally and physically!

Here are some recipes and snacks. I don't have photos for all of them but try them anyway...you will thank me!







Zucchini Chips

1-2 medium zucchini or squash
3 Tbsp oil of your choice
1/4 C grated fat free parmesan cheese
1/4 C breadcrumbs
1 Tsp garlic salt
1 Tsp black pepper

Cut zucchini up into thin rounds, or slice with a mandolin. Drizzle oil over cut up zucchini to coat. In a small bowl combine all other ingredients. Coat oiled zucchini in the parmesan mixture and place on a cookie sheet that has a rack placed on it. The rack will ensure that the chips crisp up. Bake @ 375 degrees for about 20-30 minutes until crisp and golden. Serve immediately.

 Baked Apple Chips

Apples of your choice
Cinnamon for topping (optional)

Wash apples and core them. Leave skin on for a little extra crunch. Slice them as thin as you can. At this point you may put them in a quick lemon juice bath so the won't turn brown, but I skipped that step and they turned out great! Place on a parchment or silpat lined baking sheet and sprinkle with cinnamon at this point if you want to. Bake at 200 degrees for 2 hours or until crispy. Watch closely in the last few minutes so they won't crisp up too much. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week.

Chocolate Peach Smoothie

2 peaches
1-2 scoops of chocolate protein powder
6 oz 0% Plain greek yogurt
1 c unsweetened almond milk (or water)
Ice cubes

Rinse and peel peaches. Throw everything into a blender and pulse until smooth. OH MY GOSH! This is my favorite smoothie, no contest! I also will use the Vanilla protein powder, but for some reason the chocolate with the peach is DIVINE!

Other food that keeps me satisfied:
- fruit
-Chobani greek yogurt. There are so many kinds and flavors!
- oatmeal sweetened with fruit and almond milk
- plain greek yogurt with a tablespoon of protein powder mixed in plus a little cinnamon... DELISH!
- veggies
- turkey patties (a new staple for me)
- eggs
- Special K cracker chips (30 in a serving!)
- popcorn


Give some of these a try and I know you won't be disappointed!

6 Month Recap

I can't believe that 6 months ago today I was getting a phone call from my doctor telling me the bad news! I remember looking through Pinterest and seeing this photo, which I saved and have had on my phone ever since to keep me motivated.

This quote seriously changed my perspective, and now that I have completed 6 months of my journey I can truly say that it has been more than worth it! It has been such an amazing experience and I have learned so much. I can't wait to see myself in 6 MORE months!

The first 30 pounds came off without much effort, and it has been discouraging at times to see the scale not move so quickly in the past month and a half. However, I have had so many other amazing victories, that I just don't even know where to begin to list them all! Some of them include:

- I put on a pair of size 20 pants yesterday and almost cried! I was in a 26 six months ago!
- I have been able to purchase some shirts/dresses in the regular size section of stores, which is just such an amazing feat in itself to me. It is so nice to have more options become available!
- I was able to get a new pair of work pants (on clearance for $7.50!!!) and have them glide right on last week. Fitting rooms are my worst enemy because nothing ever fits right, so that was a huge deal for this girl!
- I enjoy walking to work.
- I am constantly looking for produce on sale.
- I constantly have produce/lean meat/turkey/greek yogurt/clean food in my home.
- I am loving foods that I used to cringe at.
- My energy levels stay high and I am much less irritable (ask my husband hehe).
- Making leaner/healthier versions of my favorite recipes is becoming second nature to me.

These are just a few, but boy am I just in a better place!

I have decided that I am going to only weigh myself every other week. Sometimes the scale can sabotage you if you get on it too much, and I believe that is part of my plateau. I am getting sick of the numbers fluctuating, yet I am getting on the scale every day. This behavior isn't serving me well. I am moving my scale into my spare bedroom and only getting it out when I want to really weigh. I feel that having it in the bathroom makes me want to jump on it first thing every morning...so out of sight, out of mind!

I will be posting some of my favorite new recipes I've found in the next day or two. I made Apple Turkey Meatballs yesterday that were to die for! Check back soon! 

And as always, thank you all for your support and love! I couldn't do it without each and every one of your kind words and comments!

Just remember...we can ABSOLUTELY do hard things!

September Weigh-in

August Weight: 264 lbs
September Weight: 259 lbs
Monthly Loss: -5 lbs
Total Weight Lost: -36 lbs
Monthly Inches Lost: 7
Total Inches Lost: 20.5

August was different for me. I don't feel like there was much of a victory on the scale, but I have focused on quite a few non-scale victories this month. First off, I was able to wear my FAVORITE pants that I haven't fit into for quite some time! I bought them right after I got married (2011) and I remember Eli telling me how much he loved them on me. This was a huge victory!

Favorite pants!

 I also have been able to see quite a difference in the way my clothes fit. I can definitely see progress, and it keeps me so motivated to take progress photos. I am sure many of you have see these photos if you follow me on Facebook and Instagram but for those of you who don't, here are my favorites so far.

First photo was 6/10/14 and second was 8/21/14.

In the first photo I was around 180 lbs, so I actually gained 15 lbs and then lost the 36 lbs in between these two photos.

I was washing my hands and looked up and saw myself, and I was just PROUD!

This is a good representation of the inches I've lost.

 So like I said, it wasn't as successful as I wanted it to be in terms of numbers, but the NSV's were awesome! Eli and I have really stepped up the exercise in the past couple of weeks, so I am excited to see what this month brings. I have joined a few Facebook challenges to keep me on my toes with my eating and fitness. I think that sometimes you have to reach outside the box as far as support goes. There are so many resources out there for people who want to better themselves and become healthy! I have realized that I am letting a few bad habits sneak back in, so I am doing my best to put the kibosh on that and get back into my groove.

I saw this quote on a fellow weight-loss blogger's page and I had to share.

See on www.livylove.com

There are so MANY "would have, should have, could have" moments out there! But let's not focus on those. I know this month I have had more of these moments than I would like to count, but my health and wellness are not a race to a finish line. I felt defeated all month watching the scale stick in the same spot, until I got out my camera and looked at my progress in the mirror. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, so do just that. Be happy AND healthy, and just do your best. If you slip up, don't regret. Find the lesson in that moment and move forward. Do HARD THINGS!

This week I will be posting another recipe, so stay tuned.

I Never Thought I Would Say This...

...but I CRAVE exercise.

What the WHAT?!

I know this was on my list of accomplishments last week, but I feel it deserves more than just a bullet point.

Let me tell you something. I have recently become involved in various social media platforms where many people have lost 100+ pounds, and I have found so much inspiration in their stories. I hope that one day I can be as motivating as them! But there is one thing that they all have in common. At some point in their journey they have this "AHA!" moment where they burst into song about how they used to hate exercise, and now all of a sudden they want to run up every mountain in sight! And I sit over here on my couch and laugh at them thinking, "Yeah right, that is NEVER going to happen to THIS girl!"

Well let me tell you that in a small way it totally has happened to me. I must eat my words now. 

Lately I am finding myself craving a walk in the evenings, or thinking about waking up before Eli on our day off together and heading to the gym for a bit. I don't know exactly what made it click for me. There was no angel singing, or light bulb appearing over my head. I guess I just decided in my heart that exercise, endorphins, sweat and CUTE workout clothes are a necessity in this new lifestyle of mine. And I'm more than ok with that!

Something happened on a walk recently, and I think it had something to do with my epiphany. Eli and I went on a walk on our new favorite trail last week and I decided to push myself.  Like, really hard. I was sweating profusely and breathing so hard that I sounded like some sort of dying animal. I say this funnily, but honestly I was a hot mess. Do you know what happened when I passed other people? Nothing. No one stared or gawked or whispered. I just kept going on my journey and they continued theirs, and no one even acted like they were paying attention to me. I'm sure they were so involved in their own exercise that they didn't even notice my heaving or sweaty hair.

And it felt so DARN good not to care!I was getting the most out of my workout. My workout for me, not for them. Something I was doing to help ME feel better and become a better, fitter human being.

I realized something in that moment. All of my life I have been hiding. Wasting my life in the shadows, looking at other people and longing to be more like them. I have always been social and had friends and been happy, but there has been this part of me holding myself back in fear. Fear for what other people will think of me, or say behind my back, etc. I have been consumed by the fear of rejection and humiliation.

I am done with that fear. I am jumping off that cycle of self-destruction, and heading to a place of peace and faith. Faith in myself to accomplish my goals, and inner peace in my mind allowing myself to just BE in EVERY moment. Be happy. Be sweaty. Be loved. Be fit. Be strong. Be faithful. Be fearless!

We are all worth it. We can all overcome the hard things, and do them with passion!

Left: June,  Right: August. Same shirt. 

Me on 8/22/14.

Things To Look Forward To

Being overweight  or obese (I hate that word) is not an easy thing to be. I am not exaggerating when  I say that probably 10+ times a day I have been faced with dilemmas as a result of my large body. Things that healthy people take for granted are hard for us bigger people. Most of them are simple day to day things that you would never think were an issue unless you have a weight problem. So without further ado, here are my lists. The first is a list of the things I have accomplished in the last few months. The second is a list of the things I still have to look forward to as my journey continues.

Some Accomplishments Thus Far: 

- Down 2 pant sizes
- Off my cholesterol/blood pressure meds
- More flexible
- Sleeping better
- My feet aren't swollen anymore.
- I can sit in chairs/cars/movie theater seats/etc more comfortably
- I can fit in a few booth seats at restaurants that I used to have trouble with. (One of my favorites!)
- I can walk 2 miles without taking a break.
- Clothes that haven't fit me in years fit again. ( My favorite pants...yay!)
- Things in the bedroom are better. Especially with the confidence I am gaining. (TMI? Sorry.)
-  I can wear my seat belt without it choking me.
- I have a lot more mental clarity.
- I no longer worry about what people are thinking when I am exercising in public.
- I voluntarily walk places. (Like I am excited for the weather to cool off so I can walk to work.)
- I am beginning to WANT to exercise.


 Things To Look Forward To: 

- Riding the Rocket and all the rides at Lagoon
- Running/Playing without getting winded
-  Being able to complete hikes that I can't do now
- Getting out of the plus size section
- Feeling better about myself in photos
- Better sex life (Once again, we're all adults here. I'm a married woman.)
- Better chance at having a baby.
- Not getting stared at in restaurants, even when I'm eating a normal amount of food.
- Buying clothes EVERYWHERE!
- Climbing a mountain clear to the top!
- Stairs
- Lawn chairs
- Somersaults!
- Heels!
- Beautiful Clothes (I don't want to spend too much $$ while I'm still losing, so it's clearance for now)
- My green coat!
- My plaid jacket!
- Painting my toenails without having to maneuver my body some strange way.
- Hugging my knee to my chest again. (Weird, but I used to be so flexible!)
- Airplane comfort
- Doing ALL the physical things easier!

These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I am honestly finding non-scale victories in my life almost daily, and it is so refreshing! I hope that if you are along side me on this journey, that you will make a list of the things you can look forward to. It's such a motivation!

Next up, a recipe for some delicious sugar free, low cal muffins I made today!

We can do hard things!